Some women make friends by walking into a room. Those women have those encounters anytime they go somewhere. I have always been envious of those women and men for that matter. I'm not much of talker. I don't do the socializing well. Naturally that means that I don't make many friends and characteristically that means that I don't have many friends. This is something that I wear with pride. Occasionally, you will find me down and out about it. While other people tend to have more than one friend that can confide in, I only have one. Even my person has other friends she can confide in. That kind of makes me reflect on why it is that I can't make friends...and if it is because I'm just generally not a nice person.
In high school, I believed that not having many girl friends was because "I didn't like the drama." While that may have been true, I didn't have many guy friends either. As other high school kids were out partying, going to the mall, spending time in groups I enjoyed the tranquility of sitting at home and relaxing. That should have been a sure sign of what my life was to be like.
When I first started dating my husband I was in awe of how many close friends he has. I was startled at how involved in each others lives they were. I wasn't used to that. I learned soon that they weren't going anywhere. He is made up of parts of his friends. I can see their personalities and vice versa. A majority of his friends he has known since he was in elementary. To think that they didn't become themselves with each other would be naive. All of his friends are married or in long lasting committed relationships. I have tried becoming friends with their wives. It would have made life easier on everyone. I even had one of the wives as a bridesmaid in my wedding. Their daughter was one of our flower girls. This friendship soon fizzled out. Took a grand total of maybe a month.
I'm not sure what the difference is between the amazing friendship I have with my best friend and these wives. I tend to try to reflect on my part to see what I can change. In that process I came up with a couple of reasons why I'm not friend material.
1. I'm quite the little B****! By this I mean that I don't hold my tongue on things. If you're being stupid then I will tell you just that. If I don't want to do something you're well aware of it. While a majority of people have this quality, they are also very tactful. I didn't inherit that quality. I learned it growing up. I know what to say but for some reason I fail to be tactful every time I speak.
2. I'm a recluse. I would rather sit on my couch with a bottle of wine than go out to dinner with "the girls" and discuss what? our husbands? I would rather break my finger.
3. Then if I do choose to go out with the girls...I haven't met a girl who has the same interests as me. I can't sit down with most girls and talk about my fantasy league or the newest scandal in the NFL. And now being a mom I tend to talk more about my child than anything else. So now I have to have another mother who also enjoys talking about my child... Who really wants to talk about someone else's child? No one!
If I need to problem solve...I would say that I'm very selfish. That I could easily make friends if I wanted to. But even though it sucks to not be able to turn to someone to hang out with or to confide in...I really don't care. I have a great family. To be quite honest...My best friend, my sister, my step mother, my mother in law and my sister in law are all my best buds. Now whether they can all go to to the bar with me and have a great time talking about sports...that's another issue.